No rational thoughts are linked to the words that fly out of my mouth when I’m red-hot with anger. These words are like angry birds- ready to hit and smash the target. I become Arjuna- looking straight into the eyes of the object of my fury. The surroundings become invisible to me and what remains is an empty space between me and my counter-part. That’s my battle ground. Luckily, it has never come to fisticuffs. I do not swear -that’s the good part. The worst part: I carry this silly feeling of disgust for hours at a stretch. As a consequence some other innocent being (usually my family and friends) bears the brunt of my anger. What I feel after I cool down? A complete idiot.
Am I the only one with such a horrible trait in the entire universe? Not sure. How about the world then? Still negative. I see people getting involved in heated altercation over situations as silly as occupying a now-vacant seat in a bus, fighting to jump a queue to pay electricity bills, or while waiting at railway crossing. In fact at almost every juncture in life anger is widely existent, as is love, fear, and other emotions. But is this emotion important to survive, or is detrimental to one’s relationship with others? Both, I say. I have been bestowed with a great quality of being a complete jerk/ass/idiot when it comes to handling a situation calling for keeping an ice slab on head. Reason: I find it hard to sugarcoat what I have to say. This is best known to people who are close to me. Many a times I just blurt out whatever comes to my mind when I’m angry. Some things are logical and others are just outright rubbish. I do regret (though, not always :D) having said them.
But, is it fair to suppress your true feelings? May be yes, may be no. Yes, because you do not want to hurt other persons feelings, nor do you want to blemish your relationship with him/her. You want to be seen as a good and lovable person who ‘never’ gets angry. You might want to avoid a confrontation which would make you look jerk in the eyes of others. Or, you are seeking a reward or incentive from the other party which makes you let go your ego.
There are reasons for acting otherwise as well. You do not want to keep the other person in false impression of who you really are. You do not want to act ‘congenial’ when you are feeling otherwise. You might want to solve the matter right there itself and avoid the situation of ‘bringing out the dead’. You like keeping small count of ‘real’ friends. There are no incentives or rewards that keeps you motivated to continue your relationship. Or, he/she might have been bitching about you behind your back while you considered him/her as your best friend. There are umpteen reasons for one to be angry. But no reason is a reason good enough to justify anger.
I do not have right to hurt people who care (at least pretend) about me. I do not possess any super-natural powers that makes me pass through walls. Neither do I wear a red cape around my neck that makes me levitate mid-air. And the last time I checked, the color of the blood flowing in my veins was still red and not blue. The bone of contention, however, is my lack of control on my anger. Of course, anger helps me get things done which other people can’t. Except this there’s no benefit of being a hot-head. Why I write this? No specific reason. This is one the rare times when I controlled my anger and was hunting for other mediums to vent out my anger. From now on I’ll try my level best to control my anger, if not stop it completely. I’ll try to be silent and mum for the first 10 minutes when I feel blood thumping in my veins and the angry birds begging to be released, just to let the peak of my gussa simmer down.
If you people have got better or maybe other great suggestions then please share. That’ll help me.