His unspoken words
Standing in his balcony and looking at the majestic white sphere in the night sky, he is at unease. It is 3am now and he is hardly aware of it, in fact, he hardly cares about it. The only hint he gets about the probable hour of the day is from the beam of suppressed silvery white light emanating through a punctured blanket of orange-ish clouds leaving everything in the world around him in darkness. He has become insomniac. He has grown tired of being a stranger to himself. He has grown irate day by day, and his irritation is evident from the fact that he has distanced himself from his close friends. He has grown silent as the days have passed. The only person to whom he now speaks is himself. He makes arguments and their counter arguments as the days shift in various phases from morning till mid-night.
There are times when he feels sorry for people who are concerned about him as they are the one who bear the brunt of his peevishness. But the very moment after he feels this he again finds them getting on his nerves. Could he be blamed for his insane behavior? Not entirely. It is she who has left him emotionally crippled. He wonders what his life would have been if he had not met her. Would it have been beautiful? Or, would it have been a waste? Fighting these thoughts for a moment what he is really concerned right now is how miserably he had failed in his attempt of obliterating memories of her’s from his head. He wanted to escape this constant agony of her leaving him. And seeing how much he loved her, it should not be that easy as well.
But tonight, conceding to his love for her he has given way to the thoughts that usually fills his empty heart. Soaking himself in the moonlight he can’t help but think what she might be doing right now? Would she be sleepless too? Would she also be thinking about him? He wants the answers to be yes but that is what he ‘wants’ them to be, not that he is ‘sure’ if they are. Just by imagining her curled up in her bed, fiddling with her hair, and smiling with her eyes fixated towards the moon visible from her bedroom window, is making him happy. He is ready to trade anything to spend time with her right at this moment; to watch her sleep with her cherubic face lit up in the moonlight; to wake up in the morning and let her sweet voice sink into the core of his heart; and for her smile to last till eternity.
The only element in the universe which is consoling his lonely heart at this moment is the soothing night breeze. It has become his loyal friend since the time he last saw her. It seems as if it is bringing him a message from her, saying how much she loves him, and how much she is missing his presence around her. It seems as if it was just yesterday when he last saw her. He had been trying to let her know what he felt for her; what role she had played in sculpting his character; and how much he had liked her from the day he saw her for the first time, when they shared benches in the fifth grade.
He wanted to spend his remaining days with her. Share with her his problems and ambitions in life, his happiness, his weakness and how he would appreciate life if she were with him. But all his feelings were left unsaid, unspoken, unexpressed and would remain so forever. It doesn’t help when the person you love does not exist in the same world you live in. Only he knows how much he wished her to know how he felt. But now between his world and hers there exists a river of life and death that he cannot cross, and a mountain of flesh and soul that he cannot tunnel through. It is only he who knows how much he hates the customs of this life that has stopped him from seeing her again, from touching her again, and from saying what was left unsaid.
He does not know when he would get a chance to meet her again. He does not know how much pain he would have to endure to be with her again. All he knows is that he would have to wait for his time on this planet to get over to be with her. But while he still breaths life he has promised himself that he would never again let his thoughts remain unspoken. Because even he has now understood that asking questions is pointless if they are not asked to the person we really want the answers from.
*This is entirely a work of fiction and it is not related to any living person- esp. not to me :D. I hope that you enjoyed the read.