The Messenger

Their eyes pierced deep into me as if they were seeking some real help from me. I don’t know why they consider me worthy enough to get a sneak-peek into their hearts and know their feelings for each other without shying away from the most uncomfortable one. Maybe it is because I can keep secrets. Or maybe because I can somehow help them come out- to some extent- of this feeling of unease. Or maybe because all that they want is someone who can just listen to them without judging their character on basis of what they feel. What ever may be the reason, the fact remains: I am the only one with whom they have shared what they feel for each other. But I have made it evident on numerous occasions that I am very bad at handling matters calling for understanding emotions. That is the reason why always my only reaction to their unbroken gaze is to look back at them and give appropriate expressions-which I seriously doubt they understand- so that they would know that I’m listening with rapt attention. In spite of us being childhood friends, I believe that it is not any real advice or help they are looking for. Instead all they want is someone to listen to, to talk to, and to find solace when their inner turbulence is unbearable.

As a friend I’m concerned for both of them. On one side there is he, who has kept his love for her still a secret only because he doesn’t want to lose out on the sweet moments with her if she doesn’t accept his love. It is not that he has never tried confronting her and making her aware of the tornado whirling within him. But whenever he has approached her he has become conscious of her beautiful smile, her cascade-of-flowing-water-like black hair, her impenetrable and majestic aura, and of her honey-dew voice. The moment she says ‘hi’ to him he forgets the purpose for which he had approached her and would start blabbering all worldly nonsense. The only reason that I am more inclined to listen to him and eager to know what he feels is because I know that she is the only one he has ever loved. I believe that the real reason he has yet not revealed his love to her is because he still has not understood if she is the one he is looking for. Is it just infatuation or true love? Or is it normal for people in love to feel this way? I believe that there is no mortal soul who can answer these questions.

On the other side there is she, who also loves him but has her reasons not to reveal it to him. She has heard stories of people who have never been able to achieve what they desired in life just because they digressed from their goal because of this ridiculous-yet-lovely feeling. Like him, she too doubts if it is love. Being the only child of her parents she has a responsibility of realizing the dreams that they have woven for her. Yet, the main problem is that she doubts whether he is the person with whom her destiny is written and with whom she would live her entire life? Will he continue to love her with same feeling with which he does today? Will she be able to gel with people from his social circle as they both belong to a different caste and a different state? How can she be sure that he does not turn out to be of the ‘other-lot’? What would become of her if she comes to know after 9-10 years down the line that their relation isn’t working? She has asked me these questions when she should have asked him.

I have always tried that I never give my opinion about what is right and what is wrong, nor have I suggested what should be done and what should be avoided, as I’m sure that it will definitely be flushed down the drain. In the end, people in love always end up doing what they feel like doing. But tell me! How can you seek answers if they are based on future actions? One should at least give it a shot so that one can know more about the other person. Love can only happen if one let’s go of his fear of the worst and anticipate the best.

Since time immortal I have always come to cognizance that being in love is a state very difficult to explain in words. It is wonderful and lovely one moment, ugly and stupid the other. It is not that I have something personal against it or that I have suffered it myself. It is because I have known billions of similar people looking up to me and sharing similar feelings. And all that I have been able do is to listen to them and provide them a reflection of their lovers face who is either not with them physically or who has crossed the river of life and is now awaiting for his/her arrival on the other side of the cycle of life. I have lived my entire life in isolation, trapped inside this deserted silvery-white body, suspended in ether. I don’t have a name for myself but the animate objects populating the once-exotic-now-banal blue-green planet in front of my eyes call me moon.

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  1. Wow! what brilliant imagination. Exceptionally beautiful and has left me awe-struck. Awesome post Ankit. I could feel to be one of those in love or so to say while reading word-after-word. Aptly described.

    Keep writing. I love the way you transform emotions into words.

    -Asha

    • oh! thank you so much for your kind words Asha.:) That’s very nice of you to use ‘exceptionally beautiful’ as the adjective to describe my post. :) I am really missing out on writing new posts as my earlier posts have built a pressure on me to write better :(. Who would know better than you that writing anything interesting every time is very difficult :). Anyways, thank you again for your appreciation.

      • Absolute pleasure it is, Ankit! I haven’t visited around here in a while but will do soon. I now have a good reason. Need to catch up with the posts you sent me a link of. ;-)

        I mostly write on my observations which is a never-ending stream of thoughts so I do not find it difficult on that front as I just write. What I rather find difficult is the time constraint. But I do know exactly what you mean!

        Enjoy!
        -Asha

  2. ” In the end, people in love always end up doing what they feel like doing.:”
    “One should at least give it a shot so that one can know more about the other person. Love can only happen if one let’s go of his fear of the worst and anticipate the best.”

    Excellent and true.

    Waiting for more.of your writing..:)

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