Why are you acting as if you can’t hear me? It’s like all my words are falling on deaf ears. Either you have, on volition, stopped listening to me, or you have lost faith in me. Remember, there were times, not so long ago when I was the only one standing with you on your decision you took years back to express what you felt about her. You used to go to bed confused and vacillating between what is right and what’s wrong and it was I who showed you what is best. I know, I know! I won’t deny that there have been incidents because of me that has left you both miserable. Do you really think anyone could be right on all occasions? At least, by heeding to my voice you ensured that you never go to sleep thinking ‘why didn’t I at least try’? I have been your friend; your confidante; your inner self.
Of all occasions, whenever I have been summoned to help you decide what you should do, I truly am proud that you listened to me years back on this day of the month. Oh! Finally I see you nodding your head in agreement. At least this proves that you have no problem hearing me but were intentionally ignoring me. I have been speaking to you since the day you gained consciousness of world around you. You didn’t even realize that the decisions you thought you were making in life were in reality all suggested by me. No decision will prove to be right the moment it’s taken. Only on hindsight it will turn out to be correct. If not correct, it will simply be an another addition to the Book of Experiences.
Now that you have grown mature and have more pragmatic view on life, you have lost faith in me. Nothing saddens me more than this. It has been five years since the day you expressed what you really felt for her then. She will of course have her own doubts and from what I know she will keep on doubting you? It is only up to you to prove to her that you are indeed her reality and what she has been wanting from life. Yes! You can argue if it is just your responsibility to keep her happy. Of course not. No one can be happy if one does not want to be and has never ending desires that cannot be satiated. But don’t forget what went inside you when you first saw her.
I still remember that evening when I sensed something strange inside you. You heart was beating erratic. I have lived inside you and seen you grow – from a toddler to a grown up working adult – but never realized you’ll ever encounter this feeling. Love! Just by the sound of it, people either opt to repudiate its existence or spiral down into its clutches. That evening was the onset of events that turned both yours lives beautiful. You were a strong individual, focused on what you wanted from life, and determined on finding success in career. Look at you today. Just her smile was good enough reason for you to leave all aside and pursue her. Oh c’mon! Do not fool yourself. This is the reality. You cannot argue that this isn’t true. What are you afraid or embarrassed of? Only you can hear me and you have already found a way of ignoring me as if I’m just a figment of your imagination. I’m not. I am as much a living individual as yourself- just devoid of physical existence.
We have spent sleepless nights together, thinking what kind of person she must be like. Does she already have someone in her life? Is she worth fighting for? Is all of this just an infatuation or maybe something truly magical and to last till we turn into ashes? Will she like you the way you like her? There were umpteen unanswered questions. You turned to me for answers but I was clueless too. The only way out of this perplexity was to express what you felt. Had you chosen to ignore my suggestion you would not have been with her today. She allowed you to be a part of her life.
I agree that today there are other questions bubbling up inside you. She may want to know if you’ll continue loving her with same passion for all remaining mornings of her life? Will you change into someone who she won’t recognize as the man she fell in love with? Will you care for her tears in future as you do today? Will her smile mesmerize you even when she will have wrinkled skin? Again, none of these questions can be answered today. Neither you, nor me, nor her.
Only Time holds answers to these questions. I hate Time. It is cruel and brutal force of life. It will not give in to your tears, your problems, or stress that you both may build for these unanswered questions. Answers will be revealed only when Time feels its right. Until then you both can either keep doubting each other, or trust each other. But let her know what you feel today. You both may feel like you’re taking a blind leap of faith but I find it otherwise. This is not blind. I have seen your relationship grow. It has grown in sunlight of hope, occasional drizzle of despair, hails of mistrust and long distance, and in autumn of beautiful memories with bad memories shed on ground. Life will always throw surprises at you. But if you keep listening to me, I’m sure we’ll sail through this. Life’s beautiful and so are you too.