I don’t know how much sand had fallen in sand-glass since we were cursed by Harpocrates. We walked without uttering a word. It was like the blanket of silence was what we both were secretly wishing this moment. Topic of feelings, relationship, society, future, love had always been the recipe of deep contemplation for both of us. Neither of us could make out right from wrong. If given an opportunity I would definitely trade anything just to get a sneak peek into future to know if things between us are meant to be this way or is it that we are just different from people who are in love. Love? I guess even that is a far fetched conjecture as neither of us are sure if what we are feeling today is going to stay like this in future. We all tend to assume that the way we feel today is how we are going to feel tomorrow. And that is the thing I’m most afraid of.
We continued our usual evening stroll. It has been almost 15 months since we have known each other. We have walked together this same street for umpteen times but still we feel that there is lot to know about each other. We have heard people around us say that we are dating each other. Maybe they are correct or may be they are wrong. I don’t have an answer to that . We are definitely not just friends but neither are we committed. The only fact that matters to us is that we like each others company. Do I fear separation? Yes! Never before I met her had I felt this way. I have been always this guy carrying a strong image of myself who most people associate with arrogant and high-handedness. Even today few of my acquaintances don’t believe their eyes when they see me even laugh. She on the other hand has seen me in all spectrum of moods I can possibly wear. She is the one whom I can approach to share my happiness, troubles, issues.
Apart from being a beautiful and a lovely human she is very mature of her age. It was today that I finally confessed to her that I have fallen for her. I’ve fallen for her charm, her grace, and her innocence. And never in my life I have been more convinced but today that I really don’t understand what all it takes for a girl to really love you back. Every word of her was as if was coming from a woman who has all the wisdom a human can possibly possess. She was afraid if I would not continue feel for her the same way I feel today. Years from now would I not consider myself confined in a relationship if I realize that I had made haste in confessing my feelings? Would it not be injustice to both of our parents of snatching the power of making the most important decision for both of us? Would it not be like assuming that the way we feel today will exactly be the way we’ll feel tomorrow? Might it not happen that if we hit a rough patch in our relationship we would think of ‘what-if’ situation? There some are questions that can never be answered by a mortal soul. If such questions could be answered when we desired then why would it ever happen that people go through the painful process of breaking-up.
If I so much want to be with her then why don’t I convince her that things will never change between us and I will always feel for her. I guess telling her this should be good enough for her to believe me, and accept the fact that I’ll never let go of her. But trust me, one can convince someone about what you feel but one can never make some ‘feel’ for you like the way you feel. It is like keeping your faith in that invisible being you call God that if what you feel is true and strong, then some day or the other she’ll feel the same. Agreed, that this ”someday” may never come or when it comes it would be too late. I guess that is why we have the word ‘destiny’.
I’ve lived a very beautiful part of my life with her which has been a gift. A gift of memories. Memories that cannot be taken away from me but I fear that it might get corroded as times goes by. But I’ll know that there was a girl whom I loved. I don’t want us to be just memory but the fear of loosing her keeps bubbling up in my conscience. I guess that maybe everyone who has ever loved anyone will always feel this way during initial stages of their relationship. Maybe we both are also just another set of couple who have strong feelings for each other today, but are not certain if things will stay with us this way forever.
Finally breaking the long hiatus of awkward silence she inquired with her honey dew voice, “Buddhi ji, did you say something?” She looked up to decipher my expressions and make out if I was alright. Even after meeting her umpteen times her eyes have always been one thing that makes me desirous of making her stay with me forever. But today there was something different about her. There was a strong glow on her face. It was as if she had grown old. But her smile, the smile that has always made me feel joyous, was still the same. I moved my hand away from my body to twirl the strands of hair falling on her face when I saw my hands clothed in transparent skin like that of an old man. Baffled, I heard the same honey dew voice again. This time more close to me like she was almost near my ears. My eyes were wide open now and I saw the same perfect smile she carried 60 years back when I met her for the first time. I looked straight in her twinkling and inquisitive hazel eyes that I always longed for. “Buddhi ji, what happened,” she inquired anxiously and all I did was kissed her forehead and said, ‘Happy Valentines Day’.